Just the Beginning

Gwen's big Christmas box did not contain a bicycle like her sister.  Her box contained two gifts.  The two things at the very top of her Christmas list; a talking baby doll, and an iPod.  Wrapped separately and then placed in the giant box so as to not be out gifted by her sister.  The choice of these two things to be at the top of her list seemed curious to me.  At once, both little kid and big kid... knowing that she can't go wrong asking for another baby and knowing that getting a baby for Christmas probably doesn't have the same wow factor as an iPod.

Gwen's at an interesting age right now; very aware of equality and fairness, very in tune to what her friends are doing and saying.  She's alternating at every second, between tantrum throwing toddler and hormonal teen, intermixed with a cool headed kid helping me pick out shoes at the mall...It's a crazy age and it's difficult as a parent, to witness all of this and pick the right battles.  Explaining that "life isn't always fair" feels ridiculous, because I still want it to be fair.  But I know she has to know that.  She has to know that she won't always win.  Other kids will have different skills than she will and she won't always do everything best.  These are things that I still struggle with myself, which is probably also something important for her to know... Someday.  All the while, we're trying to encourage her strength and her independence among her many other talents.  It's exhausting.


My sister-in-law stumbled upon this article the other day.  And just when I needed it most, I got to read about middle childhood.  Like a night out with a bunch of fellow mothers; reassurance. They're learning how, they're taking mental notes, they'll be grown in a blink.  She's stuck in the middle; trying on the grown up words, reading her chapter books with her iPod on, and still wanting to play dolls with Tula.  I can't wait to see who she becomes.

All of us have moments in our childhood where we come alive for the first time. And we go back to those moments and think, This is when I became myself.  

-Rita Dove