Thursday, July 7, 2016

Baby Boy

Maybe it's because I knew he was my last baby. Or maybe it's because I am older (wiser?). Or maybe it's just because there are 4 of us loving on him this time around... But the adventure of having my third and last baby has been absolutely surreal.

My little man is 3 today and as much as we joke about the chaos tornado he has brought into our lives I can't imagine how boring our lives would be without him!














Sunday, September 7, 2014

Roots

These trees rip at my heart.  They drag to the surface all of my buried grief, all of my feelings of fragility and strength.

I have been muddling through this years joys and losses, often having the two greying each other.   Within weeks of each other, I have lost two beloved women who helped shape the person I am, the mother I am.  Their guidance was largely unspoken.  I cannot recall a single time in my life, even as a child,  that either of them told me what to do.  They taught me through example and through constant presence even from a far.  They never doted on me, but I always felt their love.  They were imperfect people, but I loved them all the more for it.  They knew how to love, but they both struggled with letting themselves be loved.

Not a day goes by that I don't identify with these trees; shaped, nourished, and nurtured by the invisible strength of those that came before me.
When I first went away to college I was horribly lonely.  I remember going to the grocery store on the weekends simply to be around people.  So the irony wasn't lost on me when it occurred to me the other day that I now find myself volunteering to go to the grocery store so that I can be alone.  I linger over ingredient labels and contemplate produce far too long.  This week, I happened to be at the neighborhood Safeway at 6 pm on a Friday, I had no idea that this is when they do wine tasting... best.day.ever; they may as well call it ladies night.

Monday, January 6, 2014

The Best of 2013

2013: A year without blogging.

2013 was a mixed bag.  It felt like a perpetual swing between bliss and sadness, with a whole lot of treading water.  I can't exactly say why there was no blogging in 2013, there just simply wasn't.  In reflecting on the year, and in respecting the lessons I keep learning along life's winding road... I bring you my very best of 2013.  (In order of events, not importance.)

1)  The light of my life turned 5.  When she was born, she was already a sister.  At the time it seemed fitting that she was named for sisters.  Her names mean Torch, Shining Light, and Strength.  As she has grown I can't stop thinking of how strongly those names fit her.  She is my light.


2)  We found out that our new baby was a boy.  Honestly, Matt and I were a little scared to be having a boy.  We were thinking we were just starting to get a handle on this girl thing.  The girls on the other hand wanted a brother most, because as they said, "We already have a sister."


3)  We took an Adventure.  In April we went to the East Coast.  We took two weeks and bounced from Baltimore to Philadelphia to Hampton, Va. and back.  It was a wonderful trip.  We spent good quality time with all of our East Coast family.  I wish we could do it more often.  


4)  Matt brought Kidical Mass to Tacoma and started leading family bike rides all over town.  He organized 6 rides in 2013.  We're looking forward to the rides of 2014.


5)  My ballerina was a Sea Turtle.  In the Metro Parks version of "James and the Giant Peach," Tula's ballet class had the role of the sea turtles.  I think this fell into the "artistic license" category of children's theatre as I don't ever recall sea turtles in the Peach story... but they were darn cute little turtles!



6)  We tore out a wall to build a new one.  (And by we I mean Matt and our neighbor.)  It was pretty awesome to see the progress and see the room quickly change shape.



7)  I grew a tiny human.  Pregnancy is miraculous.  There's just no other words.  The fact that I was able to grow three perfect little beings still just renders me speechless.


8)  We became a family of 5.  After a very long last month of pregnancy, Malcolm arrived.  I remember all the anticipation of expecting my first to deliver any day; that was nothing compared to the anticipation felt by all 4 of us for the delivery of this beautiful boy.  Our family is now complete, and I can't get over how much my love grows for these three beautiful babies every.single.day.  


9)  Our anual family trip to the beach went off without a hitch, even with the addition of a newborn.   


10)  We celebrated our 10th anniversary.  It's been a good and eventful 10 years.  I'm excited to see what the next 10 has in store for us.  


11)  My big girl turned 8.  Honestly, it's been a rough year for this one.  Ever since she was a baby she has been acutely aware and impacted by the unspoken "energy" or mood of life around her.  As Matt and I stumbled sleeplessly through being new parents again, she tried to find her way in her new role as biggest sister.  She's independent and brilliant and anxious and kind.  It's so hard to see her struggle with growing up.  One day she wants to play dolls and have tea parties.  The next she wants to make her own lunch and organize her closet.  I see her struggle with the same things I remember struggling with.  As a parent, one of the hardest things is gently guiding your children without them knowing; trying to avoid the same pitfalls you fell into yourself.  I'm afraid of letting her grow up.  I want to keep her my baby forever.  She humors me, for now.  


12)  School started.  This is always, always, always, one of the greatest parts of the year.  It's funny how school getting out in the summer and school starting in the fall are both so strongly cheered.




13)  A family trip to the fair.  The lights of the Luminasia exhibit brought me joy during a time when I really needed it.  It's hard not to love glowing 5 foot tall tulips; my grandma would have liked them.


14)  A sign of fall.  These little caterpillars are a symbol of my early childhood.  I loved them.  Every fall I would cradle them in my hand and call them my "buddies."  They are inextricably tied to the most important people of my childhood.  This particular "buddy" was picked up by Gwen, on a day when I didn't want to get out of bed, swimming in grief.  I had gotten out of bed though, pulled myself together and took the family to the pumpkin patch.  She didn't know what those little critters meant to me when she shouted "Hey Mom! Look what I found!"  I knew what it was even before she got it over to me.  My heart swelled.  Just when I needed it, the universe had reminded me that even if I can't have my loved ones in the flesh, I can always find them in my memories.  I told Gwen how special those are to me and I could see her fill with pride for finding it.  I cried a little there in the mud of the pumpkin patch.  Gwen asked me later "Are you sad that I found that caterpillar, or are you happy I found him?"  I told her I was both.


15)  Someone worked my Halloween shift for me!  I love Halloween.  I love everything about it.


16)  My favorite chimney sweep.  Gwen was a singing dancing chimney sweep in the school's production of Mary Poppins.  It was fantastic.  


17)  Love notes.  I get love notes all the time.  On my pillow, on my work bag... where ever they think I'll find them.    


18)  I had Christmas off!  Having to work Christmas every other year makes you really appreciate having it off.  

19)  This...



20)  and this...



21)  and this...



22) and this...



Happy New Year!  I wish you all the best for 2014!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Summer Recap 3.0

The annual visit from the cousins!!


It all goes by so fast...
My kids look forward to the annual visit from the cousins almost as much as they look forward to their birthdays.  And I look forward to it much much more than my birthday.  The only down side to the visit is that we pack so much into it that before we know it they're boarding their plane for home.  This year my fab sister and I did a driving tour of Wa101, nearly completing the full northern loop.  We overnighted in the Hoh River Rainforest and then met up with the rest of the family at Seabrook.  Later in the visit we spent tons of time camping (and fishing).  We BBQ'd with the extended family and partied in the backyard whenever we could.  It was glorious.  I can't wait for the visit next summer!
My sis and my baby.


The crazy first borns.




Spooky rainforest.
The furry jungle
As green above as it is green underneath.

The Hoh River.
It just goes, and goes, and goes...
My sister, keeping me laughing.

A key hole at Ruby Beach.
Random find: Ruby Beach.  Perhaps the best
beach in Washington.










Beauty.
More of Ruby Beach.




Hitchin' a ride.
Such brilliant kids we have.



Crazy kids, that water was FREEZING.
 But they were successful.
(He went back in the hole)

Illegal clam diggers.


My Mama


Pure Joy








Summer snow on the pass as we headed
to the campground.
Hitchin' another ride.
Exhausted hikers.
Ready.
Patiently waiting for her first fish.  It didn't happen.